September 18, 2011

Do Me, Baby

I began exploring female Dominant/male submissive forums a few weeks ago and I have come across MANY discussions lamenting the prevalence of male 'do me' subs. You know, the ones that present a list of things that they want to have done to them but nothing that really shows what they can do for the Domina?

The ‘do me’ label most certainly applies to some male subs. Specifically the ones that always attempt to steer the conversation back to their fetishes and what they want you to do to them. But I also think this label is all too often brandished about unfairly to a male sub that is simply stating (or listing) what he likes. On the flip side of that, I find it very interesting that in male Dominant/female submissive relationships, a fem sub is rarely - if ever! - ostracized for stating her list of interests upfront.

A large portion of male subs seem to be driven by their fantasy. The most clear example I can give is the business of pro Doms. I have heard from several female pros (which, when you break it down, generally work in fantasy fulfillment) that it's not uncommon for many of their clients to eventually want to serve the Domina outside of play. They offer to clean her home, wash her car, run her errands, etc expecting nothing in return except maybe her gratitude (and they STILL pay for future sessions). It seems that once some of the 'do me' subs find a woman who can fulfill their fantasies (a very intimate and important part of their being), they want to pamper and spoil her and make sure she is content.

However, many Dominas (non pro) expect a submissive to prove his desire to serve her. Her pleasure should be his motivation and any indulgences of his fantasies are to be earned. When she presents a list, she is not branded with something as negative as ‘do me’. Why isn’t she considered to be unreasonable when expecting to be catered to before indulging him in his fantasies?

While I believe there are those male subs that just want the fantasy (and obviously confusing 'bottom' for 'submissive'), lately, I have been considering if some of the frustration experienced on both sides may be the differing motives men and women have for relationships in general. (Initially, for men that tends to be the physical and for women the emotional.)

(Note: If you want to view the FetLife threads that I started on the topic, you can find them here: Dominant Women and subs/slaves who adore them ; FemDom Group ; Female Dominants and submissives who love them ; BDSM Theory . There have been some very interesting comments shared if you care to have a look.)

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