September 14, 2011

Your Silence Will Not Protect You

The title of this post is a quote by poet and LGBT activist, Audre Lorde. While this isn't exactly the context in which Lorde shared her words, they have resonated for me and my situation. 

 For many weeks I have wrestled with what to do about the things I have been keeping from Wife about her husband (Forgive Me, Girlfriend, For I Have Sinned). As I see it I have two options, each with their own sets of pros and cons:

Option #1

 End the relationship, offering vague excuses with some semblance of truth - ie: we are drifting apart, we don't have enough time together, etc. Although I don't feel this is fair to Wife (or my conscience), I believe it is the best chance I have for preserving our friendship.

Option #2

End the relationship with full disclosure. This will likely ruin our friendship but my guilt will be more manageable, and she will be allowed to make an informed decision.

By choosing the first option, I am trying to shelter our friendship and her emotions. However, it doesn't actually improve the situation. I will still be a liar. I will still be miserable. She will still be oblivious to Husband's indiscretions.

There is no virtue in my silence, only suffering.


  1. You are braver than most. Most would never reveal the truth and let years upon years go by, hoping with all their being that the horrible truth is never realized. You have never settled for less than what would leave you the most whole, don't start settling for less now. Love ya.

  2. One love Black Mamba. I love reading your blog. You are a very good writer and I really appreciate all of the details and serious consideration to each topic. Ive read them all and I felt respond to this one.mostly cuz you quoted Audre Lorde. I saw her speak at Smith.College once.back in the 1980s. She was.fabulous. I also think that she was a great writer and intelectual.especially on issues of gender race class and sexuality and to some extent the.Caribbean immigrant experjence to the U.S. As she was second generation. I want to.applaud your commitment to honesty and open communication and to love. Lastly, im sorry about.your fathers death and it was awful that you and your sibblings witnessed it. And also I can empathize with how you were abused as a child for.expressing your views and opinions. You have obviously persevered you know. Alive and thriving. Blessings.

  3. Thank you Anonymous! I am very flattered by your praise :)

    I apologize for the delay in my response, though. I've been dealing with unexpected health issues lately but as soon as I'm 100%, I plan on writing again and I hope you continue to read.