The title of this post is a quote by poet and LGBT activist, Audre Lorde. While this isn't exactly the context in which Lorde shared her words, they have resonated for me and my situation.
For many weeks I have wrestled with what to do about the things I have been keeping from Wife about her husband (Forgive Me, Girlfriend, For I Have Sinned). As I see it I have two options, each with their own sets of pros and cons:
End the relationship, offering vague excuses with some semblance of truth - ie: we are drifting apart, we don't have enough time together, etc. Although I don't feel this is fair to Wife (or my conscience), I believe it is the best chance I have for preserving our friendship.
End the relationship with full disclosure. This will likely ruin our friendship but my guilt will be more manageable, and she will be allowed to make an informed decision.
By choosing the first option, I am trying to shelter our friendship and her emotions. However, it doesn't actually improve the situation. I will still be a liar. I will still be miserable. She will still be oblivious to Husband's indiscretions.
There is no virtue in my silence, only suffering.