October 5, 2011

Trading Places

I have been part of my local bdsm community for nearly 6 years and HAD identified as submissive that entire time. After leaving a D/s relationship that was wrong for me, I started dating a guy (we've been together 7 months) who has turned my kinky little world upside down! It is through him that I have discovered my joy for Topping.

I have always been more of the leader in our relationship and recently he confessed that he would like to enter into a more formal D/s relationship together (with me as the D-type), an idea that I am thrilled about! These roles are new to both of us (he's never been in a D/s relationship before) so we plan on tentatively taking steps to move the relationship in that direction.

I'm still transitioning and trying to redefine my role for myself and those around me. However, I am confused and unsure of myself in either role now and the whole damn thing can be frustrating.

I plan on carefully structuring the dynamic as we go along, which intially felt uncouth to me. However, after seeking advice from more experienced D-types, the general consensus seems to be that trial and error and communication are good ways to find out what works in the relationship... so my instincts have me headed in the right direction! Knowing this, I am slowly gaining more confidence in my approach. (Also, I now realize that when I was the s in the D/s, it didn't seem like such a blind (or scary) endeavor because I was following the D. I find this to be an interesting bit of insight.)

My reality is not quite your fantasy...

(Note: If you want to view the FetLife threads that I started on the topic, you can find them here: Education and Guidance of a Submissive ; Femdom Group ; ClubFem - Females Enslaving Males ; Training of a Dominant ; Ask a Dominant Questions ; BDSM mentors. There have been some very interesting comments shared if you care to have a look.)

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