January 11, 2012

This Communication Has Been Compromised

My discussion with Kare (regarding how some of my needs are currently not being met in the relationship) went very well!

Kare had no idea the affect this situation was having on me (as I suspected) and he was noticeably distressed to learn that I was feeling frustrated, resentful and distant. It turns out we have very different standards for what qualifies as time together. He considers us being in the same space - even if we're not interacting - as spending time together to an extent, which is obviously very different from how I define it because that setting doesn't even exist on my Together Time radar (hereforto known as Quality Time to emphasize the distinction). Now that he understands this difference in our needs, he has already begun to adjust some of his behaviors to accommodate me.

He wasn't very agreeable to the solution that I suggested since my idea significantly reduces the amount of time we spend in the same space, so we came up with a compromise that will (hopefully) work for both of us going forward:

  • I don't mind if he spends time on the computer at my place as long as he takes a break every few hours (4 is the limit) to spend some quality time with me. Also, I'm not interested in policing his computer time (I'm not his mother) so if I feel like he's consistently not holding to this agreement, I will revert to the solution that I originally suggested and we'll have to discuss our relationship from there.
  • We will have a weekly date night and a monthly (at the very least) social night. (He liked this idea.)

I am very thankful that I have a compassionate boyfriend that is willing to compromise so that each of us gets what we need from our relationship. As I playfully tell him all the time:  He's the best boyfriend ever!... except when he's the worst :p

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