July 2, 2012

Why Friends Make The Best Lovers

Ever since I was a teenager, I've noticed that I tend to choose partners from among my group of friends. When I first realized this, I was a little weirded out and thought it bizarre... but I had also noticed that my partner selection was greatly improved.

1. My friends are people with whom I have many things in common, from interests and hobbies to ethics and values. They are fun and interesting people.

2. I really get to know what kind of person they are (how they handle conflict, their goals, etc) without an expectation for our friendship to be anything more. It's a very low-pressure way to get to know someone and allows for any relationship to develop organically.

3. While I can be physically attracted to someone without knowing them (I've enjoyed many one-night-stands), I do not become emotionally invested in someone unless I've spent a significant amount of time around them.

4. All of my romantic relationships must begin with friendship. I don't know how to build a relationship on any other foundation.

Not all of my friendships become romantic relationships (matter-of-fact, most of them do not), nor do I choose friends based on any romantic relationship potential. But I have noticed that I am more likely to be interested in a friend than a stranger. Given how emotional attachment works for me and my process for starting a romantic relationship, it has been the easiest and most effective method.

How do you meet potential partners?


  1. I think this pattern stems from the level of comfort you feel with friends. It seems like a safe place/person to express yourself with.