August 27, 2012

Am I My Boyfriend's Keeper?

Kare gets propositioned far more often than I do! I think it's pretty funny - in an ironic sort of way - considering that I am the one who identifies as poly and open to more relationships, while he identifies as monogamish and hasn't shown much interest in having other relationships, sexual or otherwise. The universe has a warped sense of humor, I tells ya lol.

At this time, Kare and I do not have a power exchange relationship outside of specific scenes. So, I find it strange when women come to me in casual, non-play settings to ask if they can play with him. I often respond with, "Kare's body is his own. If you'd like to play with him, you have to ask him if he's ok with that." I imagine these women are asking me out of respect or consideration for my relationship with Kare and I can appreciate the sentiment. But really, I mostly feel confused by their request. I expect Kare to make his own decisions when it comes to something that is inherently his, like his time and his body. I am not his handler or his pimp. Kare knows of what agreements our relationship consists and I expect him to uphold them. So if he needs to discuss or get permission for something (or someone) he's interested in, I expect him to ask me. (I was entirely offended once when someone asked Kare if they could engage in a certain sex act with me, instead of asking me when I was standing right there!)

Maybe it's just the phrasing of the question that I find so confusing. Perhaps when they ask, "Can I play with him?" what they mean is, "Would you mind if I ask him to play?" and I should respond to that question instead since it makes more sense to me. Or maybe I'm just weird and my expectations in these situations are outside of the norm. (It wouldn't be the first time that I was the weirdo in the room lol.)

Which brings me to a few questions. If you have been in a non-monogamous relationship or if you can imagine yourself in a non-monogamous relationship:

Do you expect people to ask you for permission to play/date/fuck/etc your partner(s)? Why or why not? Is this expectation/non-expectation situational?

Has someone asked you for permission to be with your partner(s)? How do you respond to the request and why?

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