All terms are in relation to myself. This means that not everyone who identifies as these things defines them in this way. A good rule of thumb if you are unsure about someone's definition of their identity or interests is to ASK. It's more polite to ask than to assume.
I self-identify as:
Pansexual: sexual attraction, sexual desire, romantic love, or emotional attraction towards persons of all gender identities and biological sexes. I prefer to use the term pansexual because it recognizes that gender is not binary (man/woman), but instead allows for infinite expression. (However, I will sometimes use the term 'bisexual' to self-identify because more people are familiar with it. Hence, the title of my blog.)
Looking back, if I had been paying attention, my attraction to girls was evident in the 6th grade. However, I didn't recognize my attraction until the 8th grade. But since I had been raised to believe that being anything other than hetero was shameful, I didn't share or explore this part of me with anyone until I lived in the dorms in college. It was during these years that I realized my experimenting was more than that. I was fully sexually attracted to women... and men, but I already knew that :p
It wasn't until I got into the kink scene and was regularly exposed to "unconventional" sexualities and gender identities that I discovered I can be attracted to a person regardless of sex or gender. It has also made me comfortable with exploring my own gender and, while I think my own expression is fairly "traditional" most of the time, I'm beginning to identify more and more with 'queer'.
Polyamorous: the practice, desire or acceptance of more than one emotionally
intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of
everyone involved. It is a form of consensual, ethical, and responsible
Before I discovered concepts such as non-monogamy and polyamory, my
relationships were essentially 'open' and included occasional threesomes. Though, since my partners were fairly monogamous
and I had no idea there was such a thing as polyamory, I was often
guilty of cheating.
Then, about 6 years ago I discovered
polyamory and began educating myself on the idea. Within two years, I
began dating two friends of mine who were married to each other. While I was able to avoid many of the pitfalls associated with those new-to-poly, these relationships did not end well. (Forgive Me Girlfriend, For I Have Sinned) Though, I walked away with valuable experiences that provided great insight about myself and my poly. (School of the Hard Knocks)
Currently, I am in one relationship with my boyfriend of two years. (Cast of Characters: Kare) In the last 6 months, I have decided to start dating again. (Though, I haven't been terribly proactive about it.)
I run a local poly group for poly, poly-friendly, and poly-curious people with a dear friend of mine. (Cast of Characters: Sam) We have a monthly in-person discussion group as well as a monthly social. We've had a lot of interest and participation and I'm often in disbelief that it keeps growing and people show up month after month :)
Kinky: sexual practices that go beyond the "conventional". More specifically, I participate in a range of BDSM activities.
I have been part of my local kinky community for 7 years and I'm very
active within it. I'm helping to organize a national event for the first
time this year (and it's coming up soon)! The experience has been an
enlightening one and it has provided an invaluable opportunity for me. I'm quite proud of my part in it :D
I consider myself a sensual sadist as well as a masochist and I am currently in an awkward limbo regarding my kinky identity. I am taking a break from Dominant/submissive relationships since my last one really ruined it for me, nor have I bottomed in the last year because of it. (Marked: Damaged Goods, Return to Sender) However, the longer I distance
myself from the D/s relationship dynamic, the more I realize that that particular dynamic may be a poor fit for me and power exchange defined within a scene may be better suited to my kinky identity. Or it could be a case of "Once burned, twice shy." Time will tell.